Username79

A little battle scar from trying to help a neighbor get their generator back up and running. Which we did manage to accomplish (yay!). But not before slipping on the deck and saying things that would make a sailor blush.
Then before going to bed last night at 2am, I went to fill my generator and my mom’s generator next door (we live on five acres so it’s a bit of a walk in the cold). When I get over there, I find that it’s not running and the engine is cold so it hasn’t been running for awhile. It’s got gas, so I crank on the damn thing for about 10 minutes, let it sit and go back to try and start it again, still it doesn’t start. My mom said that earlier it was missing, so I think ok, maybe there is some water in the gas tank. Not a problem, I go grab some rubbing alcohol and put some in the tank. Then lift the generator away from the carborator to mix in the rubbing alcohol. Now it’s time to crank on it for another 10 minutes. Nothing. So I’ve already checked the oil which is at an alright level but it’s pretty dark and nasty looking. Maybe, just maybe, if I drain out all the damn oil and put a fresh batch in, it’ll turn over. So, that’s what I do. While I wait for the oil to drain out, I grab some 50 gallon drums and a sheet of paneling to make a ghetto shelter so that more water doesn’t get in it. Then crank on it for another 10 minutes (see a pattern here?). Nothing. So I bust out the manual and it has the shittiest troubleshooting section I’ve ever seen. So I’m back to square one. Then I think, “Oh, spark plug!” I pull it and it’s all nasty, but I don’t have a new one so, of course I have to clean it manually and hope it works. It turns over on the first pull. I finally got to go to bed @ 5am.
This has lead me to believe the following: No good deed goes unpunished and with my arm practically numb from pulling on the draw string, I’d love to find the mother fucker that invented the draw string and kick him in the balls with my frozen foot.
*Sigh* The hubby still isn’t here yet. Talked to him earlier and he’s going 35mph from the ice and snow. At that speed, coming from Pennsylvania to Oklahoma, he should be here, what, next month or so? And of course, we still have no electricity. I’m not even a drinker, but I’m craving some Vodka!

Mrs. Cranky Frozen Butt,
Username79

1. Putting a 170lbs St. Bernard under the covers with you is like having a heating pad.
2. Although it may look like they can cut glass, you should not use frozen nipples to bust ice.
3. Those little neck heat wraps, work great for putting on the toilet seat (seriously).
4. If you’re a woman, no matter what you do, your ass is never going to thaw out, everything else will be nice and toasty, except for your ass.
5. When everyone in town is out of baby wipes and it’s been two days since you’ve showered, you will have to use the cold bottled water and wash rag to clean things up. When getting to your private areas, expect to dance around like a two year old that needs to go potty, however, this is better than having crotch rot.
6. If you love animals and can’t stand to see them out in the cold, expect all the neighbor’s dogs to show up on your doorstep when there is no heat. They know you’re a sucker!
7. NO ONE will have size D batteries in the area. No one! So improvise with the little flash lights that take AA batteries. When walking out in the cold, it’s best to put one each under your armpit to keep your hands warm.
8. Mini-vans are not comfortable to sleep in, but they do provide heat. You will however need to brush up on your yoga before attempting to sleep in one again.
9. Since you have no tv or internet or anything of entertainment, you’ll need to improvise. You’ll need a cat for this. You can either take them outside to play and watch them slide all over the ice or while inside, you can put double sided sticky tape on their paws and watch them walk around.
10. If you’re looking for sympathy for having to ice down the “important areas” to get clean, do not contact Doro, I thought the man was going to pee his pants!

edited: To put my name above Goon’s!

(So Goon and Doro have got a head start on me and their name is at the top of the blog list. I cannot allow this. I was planning on blogging about a new book that I got, but I’m not done reading it yet. It’s Doro’s fault, he taught me how to play chess and sidetracked me. It’s a conspiracy I tell ya. So yall will have to settle for my complaints about porn instead.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a certified “pervette”. Love to see naked men! But I like seeing good looking naked men. This is my first complaint about porn. In the porn movies that I’ve come across, the men are some nasty looking guy who is fluent in Klingon, brags about his Hot Wheels collection, and has his dream job delivering pizza. Seriously, he couldn’t get laid in an all women’s prison carrying a 12 pack of toilet paper and a box of peroxide. If I wanted to see men like this naked, I wouldn’t have to leave the McDonald’s drive-thru and “Hot Apple Pie” would have a whole new meaning. But alas, they’re always the lucky ones in porn.
Now the women I have complaint with as well. Of course he delivers the pizza late to two hot blondes and they decide to “punish” him for cold pizza. From the one’s that I have seen, one blonde is usually in some shiny pleather outfit with zippers on it. Which makes me think of glad lock zipper bags. (We interupt this rant to bring you a theory: I’m pretty sure she’s wearing that outfit to try and seal in the freshness of her plastic boobs, don’t believe me? Wait until she moves and you’ll hear her boobs burb like tupperware there is so much plastic in there.) The other one is dressed in some dominatrix costume and is supposedly some badass. I’m looking at her and I’m thinking, yeah right. Maybe if you count having a pink belt in Tae Bo courtesy of Billy Blanks (hey wait, that’s a porn name isn’t it? No, must have been the “Blanks” that threw me off), but other than that I don’t see this chick as some badass. So the chicks don’t get me turned on either.
But, there is a solution. All of you who are in the porn industry, listen up! If you put a BBW in with let’s say … a Vin Diesel look alike or even better Vin himself. I’d buy every damn movie you made!! That’s all I’m saying here. Give a BBW some pleasure too, damn!

I stole “blooger” from WonderGoon who stole it from Jodi_K. A “blooger” is a blog that irritates the shit out of you. Now, this is what irritates the shit out of me.

ADD; ADHD; Dyslexia; Social Anxiety; Depression
All these terms are legit diagnoses and ailments that people suffer from. I myself am dyslexic and I suffer from depression as well. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that these ailments can affect your every day life. I really do. I grew up in foster homes, I’m an abused child, I burried my daughter, so on and so forth. All these things left emotional scars and probably make me a pain in the ass at time. I’m just trying to get it across that I understand what it’s like to have emotional and social problems. BUT (you knew that was coming didn’t you?) I’d say 10-15% of my fuck ups are attributed to these ailments. The bigger, majority of these fuck ups are due to … wait for it … it’s tricky … keep reading… ME BEING AN ASS! When this happens, I say, “I’m being an ass, I’m sorry.” Then try to fix the problem. I don’t use any of the above as a crutch.

The lesson here, boys and girls, is this: If you have troubles functioning within society and people so much that the majority of people who meet you have a problem with you then double check your diagnoses, maybe you just suffer from moronism or assholitis. (Common treatments for those diseases are reading books, learning, and if you don’t know what you’re talking about… don’t talk until you do).

So I’ve been picking on the cat a bit on my blog. Just wanted to let you know that the dog isn’t sane either. Here is a pic of him pawing a friend’s boob. He held there long enough for me to put down my beer, go find the camera, start up the camera and take the picture. Of course, he is male so this could explain everything.

*Bangs head on desk*

The ignore feature is a fabulous addition to the forums. But you do have to USE it properly. This means when you pull up the “Last 24 Hours Posts” page and see the beginning of the ignored user’s post, do not click on it and toggle it to read the rest even if the beginning of the post peaks your interest. The only thing that will lead to is you wanting so badly to hit the reply button and inform them of their verbal bullshit terrets (similar to dyslexic verbal bodily fuction terrets where they talk randomly out of the wrong end, however different) but you remember that’s the reason you put them on ignore in the first place so that you wouldn’t reply and be a good girl on the forums. *Sigh* Repeat after me: Be a good girl, be a good girl, be a good girl! Alright, I’m done now.

Oh Debo, chow time! Oh come on, she’s asking for it, sleeping in his food bowl!

So I’ve turned up the heat now and she’s moved outside of the “danger zone”. Here’s a pic of them curled up taking a nap.

So I'm chatting away on Yahoo and realise that things have gotten really really quiet. I start to wonder wth that damn cat is up to. So I go looking for her and she pops her head out of the strangest place .... yep, right out of the dog's butt.

I just wanted to see how everyone was doing?

This post in no way is for me to be at the top of the active blog list on Pagan Nation.

Username

Edited: 12/7/07 Just to see if I’m back at the top of the list. Now THAT’S cheating lmao!