Username79

(So Goon and Doro have got a head start on me and their name is at the top of the blog list. I cannot allow this. I was planning on blogging about a new book that I got, but I’m not done reading it yet. It’s Doro’s fault, he taught me how to play chess and sidetracked me. It’s a conspiracy I tell ya. So yall will have to settle for my complaints about porn instead.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a certified “pervette”. Love to see naked men! But I like seeing good looking naked men. This is my first complaint about porn. In the porn movies that I’ve come across, the men are some nasty looking guy who is fluent in Klingon, brags about his Hot Wheels collection, and has his dream job delivering pizza. Seriously, he couldn’t get laid in an all women’s prison carrying a 12 pack of toilet paper and a box of peroxide. If I wanted to see men like this naked, I wouldn’t have to leave the McDonald’s drive-thru and “Hot Apple Pie” would have a whole new meaning. But alas, they’re always the lucky ones in porn.
Now the women I have complaint with as well. Of course he delivers the pizza late to two hot blondes and they decide to “punish” him for cold pizza. From the one’s that I have seen, one blonde is usually in some shiny pleather outfit with zippers on it. Which makes me think of glad lock zipper bags. (We interupt this rant to bring you a theory: I’m pretty sure she’s wearing that outfit to try and seal in the freshness of her plastic boobs, don’t believe me? Wait until she moves and you’ll hear her boobs burb like tupperware there is so much plastic in there.) The other one is dressed in some dominatrix costume and is supposedly some badass. I’m looking at her and I’m thinking, yeah right. Maybe if you count having a pink belt in Tae Bo courtesy of Billy Blanks (hey wait, that’s a porn name isn’t it? No, must have been the “Blanks” that threw me off), but other than that I don’t see this chick as some badass. So the chicks don’t get me turned on either.
But, there is a solution. All of you who are in the porn industry, listen up! If you put a BBW in with let’s say … a Vin Diesel look alike or even better Vin himself. I’d buy every damn movie you made!! That’s all I’m saying here. Give a BBW some pleasure too, damn!