Username79

1. Putting a 170lbs St. Bernard under the covers with you is like having a heating pad.
2. Although it may look like they can cut glass, you should not use frozen nipples to bust ice.
3. Those little neck heat wraps, work great for putting on the toilet seat (seriously).
4. If you’re a woman, no matter what you do, your ass is never going to thaw out, everything else will be nice and toasty, except for your ass.
5. When everyone in town is out of baby wipes and it’s been two days since you’ve showered, you will have to use the cold bottled water and wash rag to clean things up. When getting to your private areas, expect to dance around like a two year old that needs to go potty, however, this is better than having crotch rot.
6. If you love animals and can’t stand to see them out in the cold, expect all the neighbor’s dogs to show up on your doorstep when there is no heat. They know you’re a sucker!
7. NO ONE will have size D batteries in the area. No one! So improvise with the little flash lights that take AA batteries. When walking out in the cold, it’s best to put one each under your armpit to keep your hands warm.
8. Mini-vans are not comfortable to sleep in, but they do provide heat. You will however need to brush up on your yoga before attempting to sleep in one again.
9. Since you have no tv or internet or anything of entertainment, you’ll need to improvise. You’ll need a cat for this. You can either take them outside to play and watch them slide all over the ice or while inside, you can put double sided sticky tape on their paws and watch them walk around.
10. If you’re looking for sympathy for having to ice down the “important areas” to get clean, do not contact Doro, I thought the man was going to pee his pants!

edited: To put my name above Goon’s!